I'm here for work, This was supposed to be some sort of investigation into my childhood or something, instead I'm acting like a child. "Oh it's Japan again. Oh I can pretty much sort of communicate enough to scrape by, like the tourists in New York who think they speak English but they really don't." What is it like to feel white and not look it: alienating. Yesterday my unofficial Caucasian grandfather passed away - the man my dad called "father." I suppose I was closer to him than I was to either of my grandfathers; but my heart is stone.

Culture shock: suddenly and irrationally, all my Japanese coworkers annoy the hell out of me. When it was them visiting New York, I liked them fine (but they probably hated me).

I had planned to dine out and expense it all week but instead I'm hoarding snacks from the 7-11. I went to a hole-in-the-wall ramen store at peak lunchtime and lined up with salarymen against the walls until a seat at the counter freed up; had tsukemen there. Had walked past a less crowded place that took orders via vending machine coupon. Have also eaten at a fancy "congee and noodle" themed restaurant in I think the Mitsukoshi food court, and a bunch of fruits immaculately wrapped in plastic, and countless cups of very good milk tea and truly terrible coffee; swigged unsweetened green tea by the liter; from the 7-11 I got hot piza-man (tomato and cheese filled bun) and anman (red bean bun), endless onigiri including sake-oyako (salmon & salmon roe), natto, ume, mentaiko, and kombu flavors; salads and grated tororo yam and chicken curry and yakitori chicken and "hambu" Japanese style hamburger patty and instant shio ramen, etc.

Went plus-sized shopping at Isetan but the clothes were hideous, synthetic, and in the $200+ range.

Caught a cold, got slipped Tylenol w/ codeine by the hotel desk clerk. Watched episodes 1 through 8 of the final season of the Wire. Earned several thousand pieces of eight in Puzzle Pirates.

When I came in from the airport on the JR Yamanote line, the moment I passed my transfer point, Ebisu, a bunch of memory-like-feelings wisped past. Facts that I've always known suddenly became accessible, for example: the convoluted route to school. Counting in yen just felt natural, and also walking on the left hand side of the street (though in Sydney a couple years ago it had felt completely unnatural).

I miss my husband. I don't really feel like a person here. I'm still glad I'm here . . . but how I lovehate.

say

1. la princesse lointaine a la tour abolie!
   —    08.04.09, 12:15pm    #
2. congratulations on the poem being published! we miss you back in brooklyn. please go expense some fantastic meals, and post about them. you owe it to your readers!-KN
   —    08.04.12, 12:23pm    #
3. panda tote!
   —    08.04.14, 3:26am    #
4. panda chair?
   
   p.s. your list of japanese food made me so hungry i now have one japanese meal a day at least.
   —    08.04.14, 3:48pm    #

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